stumbling toward divinity

friday five, almost on time

1. So how did you come up with your blogging name? And/or the name of your blog? Well, when I first started blogging I was a seminary student about to embark on my internship, not really thinking about whether or not I should be anonymous or not.  It never occurred to me that people might read my blog, including people that could someday/some how impact my ability to get/sustain a pastoral call.  So, back in those days my blog title was very biblical, but a play on words with my last name.  Nowadays, it's inspired by a Sarah Maclachlan song (Fumbling Towards Ecstasy), but also kind of a play on the whole journey towards my Master of Divinity degree at seminary, as well as the lifelong journey of faith and trying to understand my relationship with God.  Unfortunately, I've found that my blog title is much more theologically profound than I am able to get on even my best days.
My blog name "church nerd" is an affectionate title that many of my friends and I have taken to calling ourselves.  Being up to date and interested in all things church related - so being a nerd about church.  Although I often call myself "Mark." too, and there's a definite possibility that it might be my actual name.  Or, it might not.  Who knows?

2. Are there any code names or secret identities in your blog? Any stories there? Yes!  There is El Capitan, my senior pastor.  As well as the Awesomes, a family from seminary who, to this day, remain some of my closest and dearest friends.  There are the Too Cools, a family from church who I have grown quite close to and very fond of.  There are J and A, friends from seminary who, at least until recently, both lived relatively close to me.  There's Nate Dawg, a dear, dear friend from seminary who I still try to maintain a close relationship with.  C-Dubbs is another seminary friend who, until recently, lived close by.  There are plenty of others, but right now I'm having trouble remembering all of them.

3. What are some blog titles that you just love? For their cleverness, drama, or sheer, crazy fun?
I have to admit, I've always been a big fan of mine!! :) :) :)  "New!  Now in Lutheran Flavor" is definitely a good one. 

4. What three blogs are you devoted to? Other than the RevGalBlogPals of course!
Nachfolge and Confessions of a Lutheran Husker are two that I try to keep up with, because they are two friends from my church camp counselor days and I have spent time with them and know them and am interested in what is going on in their lives.
Post Secret is another one, because it is interesting, sometimes moving and always thought provoking.
And there are several others I always keep up with, even though I'm not usually a very good commenter.

5. Who introduced you to the world of blogging and why? I don't really remember on in particular.  I do remember sitting in my dorm room at seminary and surfing the internet and coming across several blogs.  They were extremely varied in their scope.  One was the experience of a pregnant mother, and some others were dealing with extremely random things.  And I remember thinking that a blog about the experience of a seminarian (at that time) might not be all that bad.  And it wasn't long after that decision that I came across several others.  I think Polar Bear over at the Ice Floe was one of the first that I came across.  As well as RevStacey at the Almond Branch.

Bonus question: Have you ever met any of your blogging friends? Where are some of the places you've met these fun folks? Besides those that started blogging after I already knew them, the only one that I've really met after I started reading their blog is RevStacey.  Ross over at In Lay Terms and I have hung out, and I'm not sure if we met before I started reading his blog.  I know that we've gotten to know each other and spent more time together in person after having been blog-friends, but I think we actually met in person before we started blogging.

my resolve is weakening...

When something is just potential, when all you have is the idea of it, it's pretty easy to take a stand.  It's no problem to say how you would react in a certain situation when you have never actually been faced with it.

But, when it has arrived in the mail and is sitting on your chair in a box, it gets a bit harder to say that you won't use the product that is supposed to help you regrow your hair.

I wrote about this not too long ago, how I was watching an infomercial and caved in and ordered this stuff.  I have always said I would go bald gracefully, though that was before I started to actually get thin up on top.  But then I saw the infomercial.

So, I ordered the stuff but then my resolve firmed, again, and I decided I would just say no and not use the stuff.  It seemed kind of vain and I'm not really a vain person.  I decided that when the shipment of stuff arrived, I would send it back and only be out the $15 for the trial period.

But it arrived in the mail yesterday.  It's sitting at my house right now, not ten feet from me.  It's still in the box, unopened.  I still think that I'm going to send it back...  But it's tougher to make the decision when you're actually faced with it.

camping friday five

Well, it's most definitely not Friday, but I just noticed that over at RevGalBlogPals their Friday Five from last Friday was about camp.  I can't believe I missed it (I've been having a serious camp withdrawal this summer, but I've refrained from posting about it...)  So I figured better late than never, and here it is:

1. Did you go to sleep away camp, or day camp, as a child? Wish you could?  One summer, I think it was after 5th grade, my friends Mike and Josh and I went to Camp Rock.  Which is now the title of a Disney movie, but it's not about the camp I went to.  It was church camp, but really I don't remember doing much of anything churchy there.  I remember play foosball, and archery, and when a camper would get mail they'd have to do something silly to get it.  And then there was the night where they had the big bonfire and we were invited to dedicate our lives to the Lord.  I felt moved to do that, and so I did, and look where it got me.  I got home and was so excited to tell my dad about it, since he's a pastor, and he said, "You didn't really need to do that again, since you already did it when you were baptized."  I went to another camp after my 8th grade year with my church.  It was confirmation camp, and was a great experience.

2. How about camping out? Dream vacation, nightmare, or somewhere in between?
Dream vacation.  Especially if it's with fun people.  But only if my campsite isn't invaded by evil raccoons.

3. Have you ever worked as a camp counselor, or been to a camp for your denomination for either work or pleasure? Yes.  I worked several summers as a camp counselor, then I had a summer job in seminary where I travelled to six different outdoor ministries for my denomination to talk about vocation, and now I've taken two groups of confirmation kids to camp (this year and last year).

4. Most dramatic memory of camp, or camping out? I have so many!  There was an entire week of drama when I had Little B as a camper.  He had quite a few special needs that I wasn't prepared for, and wasn't that good at dealing with.  Quite a bit of my time was spent putting up with him screaming at me, calling me names, and trying to get him to take a shower while he screamed at me, called me names, pinched me, hit me and tried to bite me.  Or there was the time I had to go out to the lake to rescue 3 or 4 canoes of elementary aged campers that got stuck on the far shore of the lake.  I ended up getting out of the canoe in chest deep water to pull them away from the shore.  I was a hero that day!  Or there was the week I had a camper poop his pants, and I had to deal with that.  It's quite the story...  There are plenty more, but I should save some of them for another day.

5. What is your favorite camp song or songs? Bonus points if you link to a recording or video.  I'd say the one that tugs at my heart strings the most is our camp theme song, set to the tune of "Mrs. Brown" by Herman's Hermits.  It's a great song, one we'd sing at the end of every week.  When I sing it now, I still get a bit emotional.  Also, one summer, the song we'd sing at the end of every week (before our camp theme) was "What Can I Give" by Cross the Sky Ministries.  Unfortunately, they don't have the lyrics or audio on their site, they do have several others of their songs.  But here are the lyrics for your enjoyment:

What can I give, as we both turn away?
What can I leave with you, to take along the way?
What can I do, to show you how I feel?
What can I say to you to make it real?

chorus:  Let love flow through you like a river of mercy
Let love lead you on to follow and obey
Let love shine through you, let love show you the way
Until we meet again on another day.

Remember these times, don't let them slip away.
Remember the tears and the laughter, the struggles along the way.
Remember to pray, keep Jesus in your sights.
Remember the prize set before us, press on with all your might.

repeat chorus

So follow your heart, and take hold of God's hand
Follow the Spirit's leading into another land
Follow the Savior, the words of Jesus Christ
Follow God's path of mercy through the darkest night.

repeat chorus

a moment of weakness

Many of you may know that I suffer from male pattern baldness.  Although I am not currently bald, I would say I'm thinning... But give it time.

Long before I started to experience this, I made the vow that if I were to ever go bald, that I would go bald gracefully.  I would not do a comb over, or a toupee, or anything like that.  I had witnessed some pretty horrendous comb overs in my time, and I do not want to subject my poor head to that fate.  I'd also seen some pretty awful toupees and wigs, and have no desire to appear like I have roadkill perched on my head.  I think that statement also meant that I would not purchase or subject my scalp to the various chemicals out there that promise to regrow hair.

And that plan has been going well.  I've embraced my ever more visible scalp.  However, the other day I was sitting at home watching television, flipping through the channels, when I came across an infomercial.  I was watching these people talk about this treatment that would instantly make your hair appear to be thicker and promised visible results in 3-6 weeks.

I have to admit I was a bit mesmerized by the commercial.  And I kept watching.  It told me that I could get a 60 day supply for a trial fee of 14.95 or something like that.  I thought that was amazing that I could have more hair for only 14.95.  And I'm not extremely bald.  Just thinning.  It wouldn't be that hard to get back to the hair of my youthful days when I took it all for granted.  So I grabbed my laptop and clicked over to the homepage for this miracle product.

And, friends, I ordered it.

Yeah.  I know...

So, then, flash forward a day or so and I was sitting at my friend Mr Awesome's new house and we were chatting about something.  He mentioned something about having to take a drug test.  I said that the only drug they'd find in my system is minoxidil.  Mr Awesome turned to me and said, "Minoxidil?  What the heck is that?"

"The stuff in Rogaine," I replied.

"What???  Are you serious?  Do you use that?  Just go bald!  You'd have a great bald head!"

I mentioned that, of course, I didn't use Rogaine (because the stuff I ordered ISN'T Rogaine... and the stuff hasn't arrived in the mail, yet).  And then the topic quickly shifted to something else.

But that got me thinking about my decision to order this product.  The 60 day trial offer is $14.95.  Should I decide to keep it, I'll be charged somewhere around $150.  They will then continue to send me the stuff every 60 days for $150 a piece.  It promises to prevent and reverse this pattern of baldness. 

But that would equal $900 a year.  That seems like a lot of money for the sake of vanity.  And there is no CURE for male pattern baldness, only treatment.  So I'd have to continue to use this product forever to maintain my hair.  Should I ever stop, my hair would continue to disappear. 

So, I've decided to stick with my vow.  I'm returning the product as soon as I get it.  I've decided to not even try it.  I'm going to go bald gracefully and keep comb overs and toupees where they belong - halloween costumes.

i really AM still alive

I haven't felt very motivated to blog lately.  Plenty has happened... I went to camp with my junior highers.  We had Vacation Bible School at church.  I officiated at a wedding.  I spent several days with the Awesomes who, thanks be to God, have actually moved CLOSER to me.  So, there have been a lot of things going on and, as you can probably imagine, plenty of blog-worthy stories.  The wedding alone provided quite a few...

But, it goes back to a conversation I had at the party mentioned in my previous post.  I was standing in the kitchen talking with a friend and fellow blogger and we talked about how much we disclose in our blogs.  He has recently been talked to by people from his workplace about things he disclosed in his blog which he perceived were pretty harmless.  They were general, and some of the things he shared I thought reflected fairly positively on his place of employment.  But still they weren't happy about his choice for disclosure.

We talked about how this constant wondering if we're sharing too much or if someone we know is reading it and perceiving it that way, was kind of a de-motivating factor for blogging.  If de-motivating is even a word.  It's hard to share stories when you're not sure who might be reading your blog or how they'll perceive the stories.  Something I see as harmless and funny might be perceived by someone, who I don't even know is reading the blog, as upsetting or even betrayal. 

So it's a tight rope... figuring out what to share and what not to share.  And I know I've blogged about this before, and chances are good I'll blog about it again.  But, I really do enjoy having the blog and it's something I want to keep going...  So we'll see what happens from here, I guess.

parties, bugs and camp!

So I was at a going away party for a friend of mine (J over at Grover's Corners).  I was standing in the kitchen, talking with a group of fun people, when I noticed a june bug flying around over the counter and headed towards the table of food.  June bugs have to be some of the dumbest most unwieldly bugs that I have ever seen.  But they are harmless.

It was instinct, then, for me to reach out and grab this bug, and by doing so save the food.  It wasn't a big deal, and I did it, tossing the bug back outside where it belongs.  But then there was quite the commotion about it.  Several people made comments about it, as if it were a grand heroic deed.  Of course, you have to realize that there were quite a few gay men in the room.  So, apparently, grabbing a bug is a pretty heroic feat. 

I made a comment about how it was no big deal, as I had worked at camp.  This excuse was brushed aside though, because many of the other people in the room had worked at church camp.  Of course, I have a particular story from my time at camp that makes dealing with this june bug not a very big deal.  I''ve probably told it on this blog before, but I'm a repetitive story teller.  You can ask my friends, they'll vouche for it.

I was working at camp, and that week I was a counselor with junior highers.  It was after evening worship and the sun had gone down and we were all getting ready for bed.  The campers were filing back and forth from the shower house with their toothbrushes, getting ready for bed.  I was sitting at one of the picnic tables in the middle of the bunkhouses, talking with a couple other counselors and monitoring the comings and goings of the campers.  And that's when we heard it.  There was quite the commotion coming from the boy's bathroom, and several boys came running out with panicked looks on their faces.

I immediately jumped up and ran over to see what was going on.  Judging by the reaction of the boys, I was expecting a fight or something.  But that wasn't what it was.  At all.  Apparently, someone had left the bathroom door open with the light on above the mirror.  While we were up at evening worship, a large number of june bugs had been attracted by the light, flew into the mirror, and then fell onto the bathroom counter.  And now the counter was covered with dazed and bewildered june bugs, most of which were on their backs, unable to figure out how to get back up, yet still trying to fly.

The boys were freaking out, wanting to brush their teeth, but not wanting to get anywhere near or to touch these bugs.  So it was up to me, the counselor, to rectify the situation.  What did I do?  Well, I used my hands and started scooping the bugs off of the counter, then I walked outside and dumped them into the grass.  Although june bugs have very clingy legs.  So there was a lot of shaking to get them to let go.  After three or four trips, I had gotten all the june bugs off of the counter and now the boys could safely brush their teeth.

So, to me, reaching out and grabbing one maverick june bug wasn't a big deal.  I mean, it wasn't like it was something really scary... like a bat...

Oh, and speaking of camp...  I get to go with my confirmation kids to camp next week!  I am so excited and have been looking forward to this for months!  Althoug I've been looking at weather.com to see what the weather is supposed to be like, and we're forecast to be overcast and rainy all week...  Life is so unfair...

i heard them. they were taunting me.

So today is my day off.  Which is good, because I haven't been feeling the best.  But I'm actually feeling better now... I think.

But, as it is my day off, I actually did a good job of not going to work.  I only went in to the office TWO times today!!!  The first time was at the request of our secretary.  She is trying to do a mass mailing and wasn't sure how to do a mail merge on the computer.  And El Capitan is about one step above helpless when it comes to all things technological.  So she called over to the house to see if I'd be able to come in and help her with it, as I helped her do it the last time and she couldn't remember how we did it.  So I did that.

The second time I went into the office was just this evening, to grab something that I needed from the church.  It was on my walk back home that I heard them.  They were in one of the steeples of the church and I could hear their high-pitched chirping/squeaking noise.  They were bats.  That's right, my friends.  Bats. If ever I had an archnemesis, it would be bats.  Furry, fanged, flying balls of screaming, rabid death.  And they were chirping/squeaking from the steeple.  Taunting me.  I know it.

one cold prickly, two warm fuzzies

There was one day at the Mothership when some friends and I were saying some less than positive things about one of our fellow shipmates.  I don't remember what brought it on, or what caused us to be particulary frustrated with this person, but for whatever the reason, we were sitting in this dorm room and griping.

And there was something about that situation that I didn't like.  This person was, generally, a good person.  So I decided, then, that whenever I was upset with someone, I would remind myself of two of their positive qualities.  Instead of saying the negative things that were on my mind and that I wanted to say, I would lift up two things about them that were good and redeeming.

Now, I'm not even going to lie and say that I've been very good at this.  But it has been helpful in many cases, especially when dealing with church members.  When someone does something that I consider less than nice or helpful or positive, I find that reminding myself of things they have done to be helpful, or friendly ways I've seen them interact with other congregation members makes it a little easier to take the not so nice things that people are capable of doing.  Yes, you may be causing a stink about the decision the church council made about the purpose of certain unallocated funds... but you have donated your time and money to help with a large, intergenerational event at church, and you're also usually very friendly and inviting to visitors.  See?  While I might be upset at this certain [and also very fictional] church member because of their response to a church council decision.  But, when I weight it against two other things that they have done, or continually do, it makes this negative development a little easier to deal with.

But, here's the rub:  What if, despite my best efforts, the only things I can bring to mind about a particular person are the ways they have been rude, the things they've said in anger, how they are consistenlty negative, or the ways that they have "taken their ball and gone home"?  What's a person to do in THAT situation??? 

it's all good

I wrote about some of my favorite friends from seminary here.  We got the opportunity to hang out last summer, when they were in the area, and we talked about being better at getting together.  Of course, life intervenes.  And we haven't actually gotten together.  But, my friends, plans are in the works to do just that.

However, the circumstances behind our getting together could have been better.  They were pregnant with their second child, and there was much excitement surrounding this upcoming new arrival.  However, there were some complications, which required an amniocentesis to check the baby's lungs and afterwards, the baby's heart rate dropped and so they had to do an emergency c-section.

Apparently, when the baby was born she wasn't breathing and so the anesthesiologist had to do CPR.  She was revived, but they were worried about the lack of oxygen to her brain.  So she stayed in the hospital for a while, but now she's home and she seems to be doing fine, although it'll have to wait for developmental milestones to see if the trauma surrounding her birth has any lasting effects.

So, my friend Nate-Dawg (who is the father and classmate from seminary) called me to give me an update on their new baby, and in the course of the conversation asked me to be the Godfather.  I, of course, jumped at the chance.  So I met with El Capitan and told him the whole story surrounding this lovely little baby's arrival, and how I had been asked to be her Godfather, and so I said that chances were good I'd be needing to miss an upcoming Sunday.  After much conversation, it was decided that the last weekend of this month would be the best weekend for me to miss, so I was encouraged to encourage my friends to choose this date for the baptism...

But, it will work.  That's the date they chose.  I've already secured the time off.  I'm going to go and see my friends and I'll get to see their cute as a button son and their amazing new daughter.  It will be a lot of fun, and I'll get to stay an extra day because it also happens to be a holiday weekend.

BUT, that is not ALL!  This amazing baptism celebration will be the weekend after the Festival of Homiletics, which I will also be attending.  AND there are quite a few of my friends and classmates from the Mothership who will be attending, three of whom I will be rooming with during the week o' fun and learning.  I am super-duper excited to see these great people.  Oh, and to learn about Homiletics, too.

And now, I have a couple feel good moments of the day to share with you:

In a conversation with a grandmotherly member of the congregation, she said to me, "I like El Capitan.  I know him and respect him.  But I feel like I've gotten to know you more.  We have a relationship and I love you." 

Then, sitting on a couch, next to a member of the congregation, he suddenly turned to me and said, "So how long are we going to get to have you?"  I looked and him and said, "Well, I guess I haven't really thought about it."  And he said, "Who decides that?  Do you decide that or does the church decide it or what?"  And I said, "It's my decision." To which he replied, "Oh.  That's good.  I hope we get to have you for a really long time."

And, also, my 7 year old best friend and his little sister who are ALWAYS excited to see me.  Little Sis gets so excited to see me that I feel as if I'm some sort of celebrity the ways she gets so excited and then latches on to my leg whenever we're in the same room.

help a brother out

Calling all pastors, youth directors, and other assorted fun people who have their own offices:

After almost two years of having a fairly BLAH office that, I don't think, does an adequate job of reflecting my personality, I have decided it is time to do a bit of spicing things up.  I want to make my office a fun, inviting and comfortable space.  It's good sized, but not huge, so I think things like adding a couch or a big, comfy chair are sort of out of the question.  I had a sofa in my office on internship.  It was lovely and the kids would come and lounge on it all the time... I miss it...

But, my questions for all y'all are these:  What are some things that you have in your office that you don't think you could now live without?  What are some of the fun things that you have in your office?  What do you think I need in my office?  Any other advice?

Help me out!!!!