stumbling toward divinity

camp in the movies

Tonight I ventured up into one of the suburbs to support some friends, but to also watch a good movie.  Three of my friends/colleagues run a group called The Naming Project.  It's an open and affirming faith-based youth group serving youth of all gender identities and orientations.  I'd put a link in this entry but it's already linked in my lefthand column in the section cleverly titled "rest stops along the way."  [Do you get it?  The whole "stumbling toward divinity" title references a journey, a movement hopefully in the general direction of God.  So I titled that link section rest stops along the way, because rest stops are supposed to be places of refreshment and information on your various journeys.  I'm so danged clever it's scary.  Though you'll notice it says in the description that one of my good friends runs it.  Since writing that description I'd like to think I've gotten to know the other two guys on the staff, and I could consider them to be friends, as well.]

Anyhow, you'll notice at the top of that same list of links there's a link for Camp Out.  It's a movie about the first overnight Christian camp for GLBT youth, which is run by The Naming Project.  It premiered several months ago on LOGO, which is a network marketing to the GLBT audience and owned by Viacom's MTV Networks division.  I attended a viewing party at my friend's house, and so I've seen it already and wrote about it here, though I'm anxious for it to come out on DVD.  There were a couple viewings in the area, and since I actually had a free evening and there was one showing in one of the closer suburbs, I decided to make the trek up to see it.

It is a really good movie.  It speaks about God's love for all people, and the struggle that GLBT people, especially youth, have to reconcile these two often conflicting worlds that they live in.  The tagline for the movie is "Can you be gay and Christian at the same time?"  and this movie shares the experiences of several of these youth who attended the first session of this camp about 5 years ago.  It was really interesting to get the chance to visit with several of the youth who were featured in that movie and to hear their thoughts about their experiences now 5 years later (though most of the campers there had attended subsequent summers, as well).

So, I just wanted to take some time to sing the praises of my friends all that they do to work to help youth learn to accept and love themselves  I figure any exposure they can get, even to the 7 or so people that read my blog, is good.  If you're curious to see more, why not click on over to either of the links in the lefthand column OR to make it easier, you can click here  to view the trailer and then follow the links there to learn more.  Also, if you happen to get LOGO (we here in the boonies do not) then check out their schedule to see when it's airing again.  And please support them in anyway that you feel called to do!!

blast from the past

Ten years ago this past summer I was a camp counselor for the first time.  I remember that summer vividly, how I arrived the night before staff training started and sat in the dining room with Sergeant Jen and Daisy and Mindy before everyone else arrived the next day; sharing a tent with three other guys during staff training, and how we'd sit and talk after the activities of the day were over; walking around the grounds, seeing the places I saw as a camper through new eyes; praying with my "village" of counselors during staff training, trying not to laugh during this somber and prayerful moment as I watched a bug climb up the side of the candle and die a horrible (and noisy) death when it reached the flame, and then failing miserably at the whole not laughing thing; the excitement of being assigned to the site I wanted to be at the most for the first week that we had campers; the crushing blow of being assigned to work in the kitchen the following week, thinking it had something to do with my complete lack of quality counselor skills; having a great week in the kitchen, continuing to bond with one of my staff training tentmates and another counselor that were both assigned to the kitchen alongside me; getting locked out of my cabin with all of my campers right when we should have been heading for bed; going on Day Camp and having a great week where the group I was with completely meshed in amazing ways and getting kicked in the mouth by one of my coworkers; ending the summer at the site I had started, which happened to be the one that I attended as a camper, and being brought to tears as I realized that one of the best summers of my life was drawing to a close...  As you can see, I have a lot of memories of just that one summer, and there are more where those came from.

I also remember the people I worked with, and I remember that there were a handful of them that seemed to stand out.  The phrase that popped into my head as I was writing this was "camp icons," though that might be a bit strong of a term.  Maybe the term "big men on campus" would be good though it would be "camp" and not "campus".  They had been at camp for a couple of summers and had come back this summer in leadership roles.  I remember seeing them standing in front with their guitars and their friendship bracelets and their big smiles and their pony tails and their confidence and their air of experience.

They were the kind of people that I looked at and wanted to be like, and wanted them to like me.

As the summer progressed, I got the opportunity to know them better and to work with several of them.  The funny thing is that I've managed to run across a couple of them in the blog world, too.  There's Matt over at Confessions of a Lutheran Husker and Pastor Scott over at Nachfolge and it's been kind of fun to reconnect with them and to read about their lives post-church camp.  It was really fun to read what Matt wrote about when he came to the realization that we knew each other (since I feebly try to keep some anonymity online).  You can read that post here. 

At the risk of losing a bit of my anonymity (or what anonymity I have left) through means beyond our control Pastor Scott and I ended up in neighboring synods after both going through the whole first call assignment process about three years apart.  He put our home synod as his only choice and ended up in a completely different synod.  I put my current synod far down on my list of choices, mainly because I knew that I wouldn't get it, but wanted to use it to take up space on my paperwork.  But God has a funny sense of humor and Scott ended up in his current synod and I ended up in mine.  Anyway, he was in the area attending a continuing education event at the Other Seminary and wanted to get together for supper.  So we met up at a local eatery and got the chance to reconnect and catch up with one another.  We decided it has been about five years since we'd seen each other last, and I think we've both changed a bit since that summer we worked at camp together.  But it was good to see a face from the past, to hear what's going on in his life now, to share what is going on in mine, and to swap stories "from the trenches."  And it also reminded me of how even spending one summer at camp together can connect people in ways that last, even after at least five years of not seeing each other.

morning (and afternoon) o' meetings

Today I had a couple meetings to get to.  The first one was one of my favorites, it was my local network's meeting.  Now, by my network, I don't mean anything involving my cellphone company.  My local network is a gathering of youth ministry workers.  Some of us are ordained, most aren't, sometimes we have a topic we discuss, sometimes we don't, but we almost always have a good time when we get together.  A pleasant surprise during the meeting was that my good friend CDubbs, and former member of our network before he moved across the country, called and chatted briefly with each one of us that was there. 

Afterwards, there is usually a good group of us that will go out for lunch.  But today, for various reasons, there were only two of us who went out.  I was ok with that, as the other person is someone I get along well with and have spent time with socially outside of network.  So I knew it wouldn't be awkward or painful or anything like that.

Over lunch, we got to talking about what we had to do that day, and I mentioned my other meeting that was coming up later that afternoon.  The executive director from the camp that we take kids to for confirmation camp was going to be in the area and wanted to stop and chat.  I got excited, of course, because it was camp.  But El Capitan had mentioned that she had come and talked to him before, a couple years ago I think, just to kind of touch base with us because we are one of their sponsor congregations.  It sounded like this meeting was going to be just like that one, where she would share some upcoming activities at camp and that sort of thing.  I told my friend that it would be fun to talk about camp, but what I was thinking was that I thought it would be cool to be on the Board of Directors of the camp.  My friend said that if I was interested I'd have to let the director know.  But I said I wasn't really sure how to bring that up, or even if they were in need of someone on the Board, or whether they would want ME on the Board... there were enough uncertainties that would probably prevent me from mentioning this to her.

So the time for our meeting rolled around, and she came into my office.  She sat in the chair on the other side of my desk and right away I was afraid that it would be uncomfortable.  We exchanged some brief small talk, and she asked me about how things were going for me.  I told her they were going well, I felt like I was getting into the swing of things... yadda yadda yadda...  But then we started exchanging stories about the ministry, and about youth ministry in general, we talked about some of the upcoming changes at camp, about ways that my church can utilize the camp, and that sort of thing.  But she kept asking how things were going, how I liked being a pastor, and questions like that.

As the conversation started to wind down, she looked at me and said, "Well, since it sounds like you're doing good here, do you want to talk about adding something else to your plate?"  "Like what?"  I asked.  "We are going to be in need of some new members of our Board of Directors."

"Are you serious?!?"  I asked, and then I proceeded to tell her about my conversation with my friend at lunch, and how I'd been thinking that would be a neat way to be involved with the camp.  Then I stopped and looked at her and said, "You probably don't often get this kind of reaction when you ask people to be on your Board, do you?" 

Of course, she said that they didn't.  I told her that I was very interested, but that I'd have to run it by El Capitan to make sure it was ok, but I didn't see how he could deny me when he saw how excited I was about it.

After our meeting, I went next door to El Capitan's office and told him about the conversation.  And, like I thought he would be, he was very supportive.  He just thought (and I was already going to do this) that I should mention it at our next church council meeting so that it gets put in the minutes of the meeting and the congregation can be aware of what I'm doing.

But, anyway, I just thought I should share my excitement about being connected, in a new way, to CAMP!!!!

Camp Out

One of my good friends, J, is out at camp this week, with another friend, Ross, and one of my fellow first call education* classmates, Brad (he doesn't have a blog, hence no link... well, not that i know of, anyway).  They are the camp directors for this particular camp, and spend a lot of their time organizing and fund raising for this one week out of the year.

Now, this is not a post where I gush about how much I love camp.  Anyone who regularly reads this blog will already know that.  The purpose of this post is to gush about this particular camp, because it is the only one of it's kind.

You see, it's a Christian camp.  For GLBT** kids.  And not only that, but there's a movie about it.  A movie that just recently premiered on the Logo Network.  I was fortunate enough to be invited to my friend J's house for the premiere party.  I've known about this movie since the camp first started three years ago, and I've been dying to see it.  So, Saturday (The Day I got back from the mission trip [a post is forth-coming about that, worry not!]), I drove to my friend J's house and ate some snack foods and watched the movie.

And it was a good movie about a topic that is extremely relevant, especially in church conversations and circles, and it asks a very important question:  CAN someone be Gay AND Christian?

It follows the experiences of 10 youth (6 boys and 4 girls) as they come together to experience a week of community and fellowship in an accepting and welcoming environment.  It does a good job of highlighting five of the youth, giving us a glimpse of their personalities, and some of them really do shine.  It also does a good job of highlighting some of the internal struggles that the youth experience, such as reconciling their spirituality with their sexuality, as well as integrating their sexuality with their self identity.

So, I encourage you to check your local listings and WATCH THE SHOW!  And, if you know youth who would benefit from such an experience LET THEM KNOW!  If you're a youth who would benefit from a camp experience like this then WHY NOT GO?  I have links for most of this stuff on my left hand column, but to make it easier, here are direct links.

The Naming Project - the group started and led by J, Ross and Brad that runs the camp.
Camp Out - the website for more information about the movie.
Logo - the network that is airing the movie

*First call education is a program for rostered leaders in the ELCA who are in the first three years of their first call.
**  GLBT means Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender

there's a vacancy

The camp counselors left today (as in June 21, not 22.  I know that today is technically June 22 already, but I haven't gone to bed, yet).  We had a potluck and a program, where the kids sang some of the songs that they learned this week.  It was a short program, but I think the parents appreciated that.  That means that the two guys who were staying at my house are no longer here.  Makes it seem kind of empty and unexciting.  It was fun to have people to talk to, to come home from somewhere and have someone else here, to just be able to chill out and watch tv with other people in the room.  But it's also kind of nice to have the place to myself again.  To be able to sit in my favorite chair and watch crappy television without being embarrassed, and to not have to wait for the shower in the morning.  So, I guess life in community has its ups and downs.  Even if it is just temporary.

Since the counselors are gone, that means our week of day camp is over.  I will miss it, actually, even though it's been a crazy busy week.  I loved having the opportunity to get to know the kids that showed up.  Even though many of them come to Sunday services, my exposure to many of them has been minimal.  So the day camp gave me an opportunity to spend time with them and for them to get to know and become comfortable with me.  I think they became plenty comfortable because today was "water day" at day camp.  We played a lot of games that involved getting wet.  One of them was a water balloon fight.  I was unfairly ganged up on.  By, like, seventeen kids.  And some of them have remarkably good aim.

As the counselors were leaving, I told them I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself.  Being at camp with them last week, and having them here with us this week, I said I was getting used to having them around.  They mentioned they might have to take me with them.  I secretly thought that sounded like a good idea, but I know that I would miss this place.  Some of the kids said they were unwilling to let me go, which was nice.

Tonight at our church council meeting, one of the men mentioned that I might be ready for sainthood, after spending nearly two solid weeks with kids.  Other people have been asking me if I was going to take vacation, after such an intensive time.  I would love to, however El Capitan, for some reason, decided to take vacation now and so, starting tomorrow he's on vacation until Wednesday.  Can't say I understand, or am particularly happy about that, but I know that things will go smoothly and all will be well.  I just need to find some time to take some time off before fall arrives, and I also need to be quicker in getting dibs on this week for vacation next summer.

Anyway, I've already stayed up longer than I had anticipated.  Though CDubbs invited me over to his apartment to play Guitar Hero this evening, and so I couldn't resist.  I love that game! 
Oh, but those of you who might still be concerned about the post I wrote confessing about how I suck at life, I have resolved the issue that sparked that post.  So, while I probably still suck at life, at least I don't suck in that one particular area anymore, at least for right now.

camp, revisited

So, last week I got to go to camp.  It wasn't MY camp, but it was camp.  And it was fun.

There were the expected junior high issues, and I wasn't surprised about that.  There were a few unexpected issues which, since they were unexpected, I was a bit surprised by.  And a bit disappointed.  But that is neither here nor there.

The biggest issue was an internal issue.  You see, this was my first time at camp as a pastor.  And it was weird.

It was weird for me to try and make the transition from camp counselor (which I have plenty of experience at) to being a pastor at camp (which, until this past week, I had no experience at).  I was constantly questioning how much I should be involved and what I should be doing.  I was hesitant to join in on the Bible Studies with the small groups because, while I would LOVE to hear what my youth thought about the daily themes, I know that many counselors would feel a bit nervous and intimidated by having a pastor sit in on their Bible Study.  I also remembered the various pastors that came to camp when I was a counselor.  I tried to remember what it was I didn't like about some of them, and I tried not to be like that.  I also tried to remember what it was I liked about the really cool pastors, and I did try to be like that.  I'm not sure how successful I was.  There were times when some of the counselors reacted to me in ways that made me think that they thought I was definitely one of "those pastors," which I really don't want to be [You know, the conversation would go like this:  "So, Pastor Mark was at camp this week,"  "Oh yeah?  What's he like?"  "He's, you know, one of those pastors."  "Oh, that sucks.  Well, at least he's gone now, right?"].  And it didn't help that some of my kids proved to be some of the more troublesome of the week.

There was one evening where the two other pastors who were there with their church and the executive director, program director and site director of the camp and I went to a local eatery to hang out for a bit.  One of the other pastors was also in her first call (six years in, however) and had a rich history with camping ministry.  We had already talked about how it was a hard transition to go from camp counselor to pastor.  I mentioned, to the entire group, that I was struggling a bit with that.  I said I wasn't sure what to do.  The executive director responded with, "That's the great part!  You get to do whatever you want!"  At first, it didn't seem so helpful.  I wanted a detailed list of the things I should do and the things they'd rather I not do.  But I didn't get one.  Though, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.  I was obsessing way too much about it (me?  NEVER!).  I was worried about being one of the "cool" pastors, when really I just needed to be involved in the things that I wanted to be involved in, and go do something else when they were doing something that I felt I shouldn't be involved in. 

Of course, by then it was the last day of camp, and due to a behavior issue I spent a large part of that day sitting in the office building with one of my campers.  But I'll be all ready for it when it rolls around next year.  Of course, by that time, I'll have another year of pastoring under my belt and be a bit more assured in my role as a pastor, and a bit more separated from my role as a camp counselor.  So, we'll see how it goes.

Now, don't think that I spent my whole time obsessing about this.  While that may have been an undercurrent to the week, it was still great to be at camp.  I had a great time with my kids (even the troublemakers), it was fun to build relationships with them outside of the church walls.  I had fun being involved in the camp games, and getting to know kids and pastors from other churches, as well as some of the camp staff.  And it also helped me to see ways that I can be involved in camping ministry outside of being a counselor. 

So, now I am back at home, getting ready for another busy week.  Counselors from camp have now made the trip to us for a week of day camp.  They are currently over at church, doing some last minute prep to get ready for the onslaught of 50+ kids in about 25 minutes.  I'm sitting at home, watching Spaceballs on TV and enjoying a bit of quiet time and coffee before I head over to join them.  The parsonage is acting as a bit of a hostel, as two of the counselors are crashing over here with me (that was another issue that I dealt with at camp.  I narrowly avoided having all five of the counselors, male AND female, at my house.  Luckily I found another host home for the three female counselors).  So, I suppose I should get another cup of coffee and think about heading over to see if they need anything.

Also, I have a bit of a confession.  I'm going to be taking off a bit later this morning, and driving up to The City to meet one of my best good friends from seminary and his wife and son.  He's in the area for a Larger Churches conference, and they called to see if I can get together.  I would do just about anything to be able to see this family again so, while it pains me to ditch out on most of the first day of day camp, I'm going to do it because these three mean that much to me.  I'm excited!!!

Okay, I'm going to go refill my coffee cup now. 

all suckiness aside

Putting aside, for a moment, how horribly I suck at life, I have an extremely important and exciting announcement to make.

I may be AFK (that's Away From the Keyboard, for the less tech lingo savvy among us) because I will be heading out to CONFIRMATION CAMP for the next week.  We leave tomorrow at noon and return on Friday.  I am extremely excited.  I have been having a hankering for camp for a while now.  I think it will be good for my soul to be out there for a week.  Granted it's not MY camp, and I have never been to this camp before, but I am still excited and I still think it will be good.

So, don't worry or fret if you don't hear from me for a week (or a bit more).  I'm just having a great time in God's creation. 

in the works

Every once in a while I go into one of my "I miss camp" phases.  Inevitably, I write about it here.  Well, there is a post in the works, where I try to delve a little deeper into my thoughts about camp and the campers.  We'll see if it turns out.

But, while you wait for that, I just wanted to mention that I miss camp.  I've been looking through photos, and seeing me with those people with whom I was friends during that time in my life.  I really miss it.  I miss the people and the camaraderie that working at summer camp encourages.  There are pictures of us working at camp, but there are also pictures of us enjoying our time away.  Like the one time a group of us drove to Chicago to go to Six Flags, and being poor camp counselors, we weren't rolling in the dough.  So we stopped at a hotel and my friend Jeremy and I walked in and paid for a room with two beds and a fold out couch, and then snuck the other seven people in the side door.  So we packed 9 college aged people into this room, and none of us thought anything about it.  There was no hassle for the bathroom, and no argument over who got the beds.  We were used to taking 3 minute showers and sleeping on uncomfortable surfaces.  In some ways, I think the plush carpet was a step up from the camp mattresses we were used to.  Though I somehow ended up with one of the beds.  I had to share it with Jeremy.  He's a close sleeper.  I think we may have spooned at one point...

But camp was just a great place for me.  It fostered my gifts for working with youth and for ministry in general.  The people there encouraged me, both directly and indirectly, to pursue youth ministry and then ordained ministry.  And, as I've mentioned on more than one occasion, it served as a safety net to catch me from plummeting into the abyss when my job as a youth director went south.  And the people I have met there continue to be important people in my life.  In fact, I just recently e-mailed my old camp director with a recent dilemma.  Even after being away for almost six years, camp is still here for me.

It's tough, too, being so far removed from it.  This place that is dear to my heart is in one of those flat, middle states, and here I am in one of the colder northern ones.  It's not just a short drive away and I don't have the kind of time to just drive over for a visit.  The people that were dear to me are mostly in the general vicinity of that place, though some have gone off to Left Coast places or southern states.  My friendships with them have changed, we don't keep in touch nearly as much as either side would prefer, I think, but we're all so involved in our own lives we just don't take the time to reconnect.

I'm a very communal person.  Looking over my history, I have seen I drift from community to community.  First college, then camp, then seminary, all places known for the strong communities that they foster.  Now, here I am in a new place, still trying to figure out where I fit.  I'm in a position that necessitates that the relationships I make now are different from "normal" relationships.  So, of course my mind will drift back to those places where I felt like I really belonged.  And camp was definitely one of those places.

And, of course, as this frigid northern winter starts to set in, OF COURSE I'm gonna wish for the warm, sunny climate of summer camp!

i suppose it was inevitable

But I feel a wee bit ganged up on!

Those of you who have spent any amount of time reading my blog probably know my feelings for camp.  I have spent many a post writing about how much I love it, and what it has done for me in my faith and discernment journeys.  It was such a special place (a "place set apart" if you will) where I was able to grow in my leadership abilities, in my walk of faith, in my own identity as a Child of God... in SO many ways... and it didn't hurt that the work I was doing was right up my alley.  So, I have a fondness for camp, I guess you could say.

Most of the time it's manageable.  It doesn't usually interfere with my day-to-day life.  I can still do what needs to be done (unless there is some other event that sparks my ADD tendencies...).  However, every once in a while there will be something that will happen that will set me off.  Maybe it's being outside, walking a dog, and the scent of the trees on the air reminds me of going on a night hike with a group of campers.  Or I'll be outside with a group of kids in the summer heat and they'll want to play a game that I learned at camp, and I'll be transported right back to the field behind the lodge at camp.  Or I'll be looking through a box of stuff and I'll come across my stash of notes and letters that I've somehow managed to save since those summers, and I'll read through some of them, and remember how it felt to be at that place during that time. 

And then it can be trouble.  I often deal with it by writing a sappy e-mail to my old program director, telling her how much I loved camp and how much I miss it.  Or I'll check out my camp's webpage, and the webpages of other camps.  I'll let myself be pulled away from whatever it is that needs to be done, and I'll sit and daydream about my camp glory days.

As you can probably tell, it's happening again.  Except I'm being bombarded!  Let me explain:

The director of our Admissions office here at the Mothership approached another student and me after chapel the other day.  She wanted to know if we wanted to go out for dinner or drinks sometime before I take off.  She thought it would be fun.  So the three of us decided that Tuesday of next week would be great.  Well, then, a day or two later I received an e-mail from the Admissions director saying that there was a change of plans.  A group of summer staff from my old camp are coming to visit the seminary and she was wondering if the two of us would be interested in meeting up with them, going out to eat and spending some time with them.  I agreed right away.  But then, I started thinking about camp.

And THEN, today in the mail I received the camp's magazine.  Jampacked with stuff about camp and what's going on there this summer.  Not to mention a day or two before that I received a mailer about their annual end of the summer quilt auction.  So, of course, I was at the computer and I absent-mindedly surfed on over to the camp website.  I began looking at pictures and reading about what's going on.  Sucked right back in, I tell ya.

It doesn't help, then, that I am in this period of waiting where I'm not really doing anything, nor am I supposed to be doing anything.  I have all of this freetime to sit and do nothing, so I surf the internet or stare longingly at the pictures in the magazine, and try to figure out if I could make it back for the quilt auction.

It seems that even if I were at my best in resisting the pull of camp, that I would be no good against the onslaught I've received this week.  And don't get me wrong, it's not that the "pull of camp" is a bad thing.  Indeed, it is not.  It is a great place that does great things.  But, when one is not in a place where one can go back to camp, the pull of camp can be disheartening.    I hear its call, but I am immobilized by first call stuff and ordination plans and lack of money. 

Anyway, I should go to bed.  I have a full day of magazine reading and website surfing tomorrow.

the journey, pt. 2

You see, I really didn't want to talk to this seminary admissions person because I didn't want to consider this whole seminary thing.  I wanted to think that I had my life figured out and that it involved me being a youth director.  That just seemed very neat and tidy and fun and easy.

Well, that and I also only got one hour a day for a break, and I really enjoyed using that time to sit in the air conditioned staff lounge and drink soda.  If I were to meet with this seminary admissions person, that would mean that I would have to give up one of those hours and sit and talk with her. 

I really wanted to say to my boss, "Well, thank you for thinking of me but I'm going to politely decline for a couple of reasons.  First, this whole idea of me going to seminary is ridiculous.  My dad is a pastor, I've gotten a behind the scenes look at what could happen, and I have no desire to get into that, thankyouverymuch.  Second, why should I give up my hour in the air conditioning to sit with someone and talk about this notion which I consider completely preposterous?  I'd rather shovel poop in the horse barn."

But, I didn't.  I said, "Ok... that sounds good."  And then I proceeded to schedule a time later that week to meet with the seminary admissions person.

Well, before I knew it, it was time for me to meet with her.  I walked my kids down to the horse barn, and left them with the wranglers, and then walked up to the retreat center.  She was sitting on a bench outside, waiting for me.

"You must be Mark!"  she said with a smile as I walked up.  "I'm Louise!"  I sat beside her on the bench, and DARN HER she asked these questions that just opened me up.  I just gushed, and told her everything that I had been thinking, about how I felt this call to seminary but what I thought I really wanted to do was do youth ministry.  Before I knew it, I think I completely told Louise my life story.  I sat there, expecting her to say, "Well, OF COURSE you're supposed to go to seminary!  That is what God is saying and you should just go right away!"

But she didn't.  What came out of her mouth surprised me.  She said, "Well, Mark.  Seminary is always going to be there.  You don't have to go right away.  If you think you might be called to youth ministry, then go and do that.  Try it out.  And if it turns out that it is what you are called to do, then great!  But if you continue to discern that seminary might be in the picture for you, then you can go to seminary."

I was stunned.  And excited.  This made the solution to this problem that I had been struggling with seem so easy.  It let me know that the decision I made would not be binding.  I didn't have to choose one at the expense of ever doing the other.  The possibility to go to seminary would still be there.  It also let me know that it was okay if I didn't go to seminary.  The seminary admissions person didn't push seminary on me, or say that real ministers go to seminary.  She said that if I was called to go there, then I should go there.  But it was okay to test the waters of youth ministry first.

It was a pretty quick hour.  Before I knew it, it was time to go and pick up my kids from horseback riding.  I left that meeting feeling invigorated and encouraged and like I knew what was going to happen next in my life.  It was amazing.

And after a conversation like that, who needs air conditioning and mountain dew?

to be cont'd