stumbling toward divinity

going for a threepeat

The beginning of this month was the two year mark of my time here at church.  It's weird to know that I've been at this place and in this job longer than any other place I've lived or job I have had.  The longest I have lived in one place since high school (up to this point) was my first two years of seminary... well, that was actually only around 21 months.  The longest I have worked at a job was the year and two weeks I spent as a youth director.  So, I guess you could say, in the last 12 years I have had a fairly transitory life.

So it's sometimes weird to still be in the same place.  I still occasionally get those feelings that it's time to pack up and head off somewhere new and different.  I've noticed several over the past couple months.  It's like my body has gotten into this rhythm of leaving and arriving, and so it just expects it to happen.

But, I have to say, I like where I am at.  I greatly enjoy the people and most of the work that I get to do.  I have been blessed with some great friendships, and a few great friends have moved relatively close to me.  I am finding ways to branch out and see new places, try new things and meet new people. I feel like I'm settling into some sort of rhythm with the work that I'm doing, as if I know what to do and when to do it (at least most of the time... sometimes my procrastination skills still catch up to me).

So, I know that down the road there will be more new and different places.  My journey still has som twists and turns and hills to go.  But, for now, I'm happy to be in the place where I am.  And that's a good feeling.

a visit to another Home

As if this week's weirdness component wasn't already big enough, I decided to "turn it up a notch."

You see, my internship congregation - the place where I spent a year as an intern pastor, learning the ropes, navigating life in fulltime ministry, figuring out what this whole life of a pastor would be like - is just down the road a couple hours.  I figured since I was so close, and had nothing else going on today, that I would head down for the two Sunday morning services, to pop my head in and say hi, and just to see what life was like for the people there nowadays.

This would be another first for me.  Boundaries are a big issue surrounding internship.  It has a definite beginning and a definite end, which is emphasized if you have people follow you to that site.  They strongly encourage/recommend that you extremely limit, if not sever, the relationship that you had with this place if another person is coming in as the intern after you.  This prevents the members of the congregation from maintaining a pastoral relationship with you and allows and encourages the people of the congregation to form a new relationship with the incoming intern.

It has been a bit over two years since I was on my internship, and there have been two interns who have followed me to that place.  So, for their sake, I extremely limited my communication with the people there, and I have not (until today) been back to visit.  But, as I mentioned in a previous post, my supervisor retired and moved away and this means that there are no more interns there.  So, since I was so close and there were no interns on whose toes I would be stepping, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to make it to church for the 8am service.

I was a couple minutes late, but I walked in and sat down in the back.  The interim pastor was out of town today, so a layperson and a guest speaker were leading the service.  The layperson was a surrogate mother during my time there, and as she was up front I noticed that she saw me (plus I had e-mailed her daughter who had been in the youth group when I was there, to let her know I was coming and to see how many of "my kids" would be back from college this weekend).  When it came time to pass the peace, my friend said, "And as you pass the peace, be sure to pass it with our very special guest who's sitting in the back there,"  Everyone's head turned and they saw me and then she said, "Hi Mark!"  I said "Hi!" and waved.  And then the peace passing began.  People from the front of the church came all the way back to shake my hand and hug me.  They were excited to see me.  One woman was even crying, but I'm not assuming that it was [just] because of my presence.  People were glad to see me and several looked down at my feet and said, "Where are your green shoes?" in reference to the collection of liturgically colored shoes I collected and wore during worship there.  (I have yet to wear them at my current congregation.  I'm not sure why...  perhaps the time just hasn't been right...)

After the service, though I was invited to their adult fellowship where the guest speaker would expand on his sermon, I hung around the lobby area and talked to the man who was church council president when I started my internship and his wife, as well as the woman who took the mantle after him.  A woman who was very involved in the youth program came in while I was standing there and I surprised her, which was fun.  Then the man who was the Internship Committee Chairperson for the intern before me and the two afterwards (he was deployed in Iraq during my time, left about a month before I got there and returned in time to attend my final service) came up and talked to me.  He said he was teaching the 7th and 8th grade Sunday School class that day and that they were talking about me and wanted to see me.  So I followed him up to my old Sunday School room, where I taught "Cheeseball Girl" and her minions (I really wish all of you had the privilege of reading my old blog where I chronicled my year on internship, but I think I copied the Cheeseball Girl story here...  Check back in the archives around last February... I think that's when it was...).  I walked in the room and a couple of the kids said, "I remember you!"  and then one looked at me quizzically and said, "Did you dress up as a clown one time?"  I had to say yes, that I had, for Vacation Bible School. 

After the Sunday School hour ended, I walked back to the sanctuary where I saw several more of my friends, and another one of my surrogate moms.  Hugs and greetings abounded.  Then, a couple of them said that I needed to stand up front and sing with them, just like the "good old days."  All of the songs were songs that I had sung with them before, so I got up there and sang with them again.  It was a lot of fun to be with that great group of people again.

Then, after that, my two surrogate moms and their husbands, and their kids and a couple extra kids, and I all went out to brunch.  We sat and talked and had a great time.  We reminisced and shared memories about my year there, as well as things that have happened since then.  I recalled the time I was watching a movie in the youth room with several of the young people there when a bat started flying back and forth through the room.  As you probably well know, that went over well.  We crouched on the floor and screamed until the bat disappeared and then decided we were done with the movie anyway, and so we all went home.  Then we drove to one of my surrogate moms' houses for some fun and games for a couple of hours.

It was then that I decided I should probably head back to the Mothership, so we exchanged hugs and said our good byes again.  But not after several of them said that they would come and visit me, especially since the extremely large shopping center is close by.

I almost didn't go on this trip.  I woke up late, as my alarm didn't go off (I set it, but forgot to turn it on), and I laid in bed thinking maybe that was a sign.  Maybe that meant I should just sleep in.  But then I wondered what else I had planned to do with my day, and I reminded myself that I had told someone I was coming and she had told a couple other people, so they were expecting me and if I didn't show up then they would be disappointed.  So I forced myself out of bed and got ready quickly and left.

And boy, am I so glad that I did. 

My internship had such a profound impact on my formation as a pastor.  It was there, in that place, where I was embraced and loved into the role of pastor, where I was shown that I might be goofy and awkward but I have definite gifts for ministry.  I entered my internship excited, but scared to death of what was to come.  I was unsure whether the congregation would like me, and I thought maybe it would prove to me what I had been afraid of all along - that I was faking it, I really didn't have a call to ministry, and that I was better off doing something else.  But just the opposite happened - I'm sure some of the people there weren't fond of me, but the majority wholeheartedly embraced me, they helped me see that I was on the right track that God has, indeed, placed this call in my life.  In fact, several of them asked if I was coming to be their pastor to replace Supervisor.

It brought up some sadness, too, though.  Because the congregation has dwindled a bit since I was there.  I'm not sure if there were issues surrounding my supervisor's departure, but it seems that this great and wonderful place has hit a rough patch.  The interim pastor is working hard to prepare them to love a new pastor, and I know that they have it in them to do it because they did it so amazingly for me, I just hope that they know that they have it in them to do so. 

It was also a bit weird to be back in that place in a new role.  I'm no longer their intern pastor, but now I am a "real" pastor in a different setting.  My relationship to the people is not the same as it was when I was there last.  Also, two years changes people (of course).  Babies I baptized (with special permission from the Bishop because supervisor was out of town for his father-in-law's funeral) are now able to walk into church, take off their coats and walk down to Sunday School by themselves; some people are a bit feebler than when I saw them last, and not as able to get around as well...  It was also a bit weird to be back in that place without Supervisor.  He was a great man whose easy going attitude and laidback approach was often the much needed response to my sometimes over-excitedness.  We also got along marvelously, could sit and chat about almost nothing for a long time, and enjoyed being in one another's presence.  It was pretty cool because, when I was there, he was just beginning to talk about and imagine his retirement and I was just beginning to talk about and imagine beginning a lifelong career in ministry - two opposite ends of the spectrum given the opportunity to work and grow together.  It was an experience that I would not trade for the world.  And so, to be in that place, without him there was a bit weird.

But I'm glad I went.  It was good for me, to be reminded of that place and those people, to remember the amazing growth that I experienced there and how it played a large role in shaping the pastor that I am today.  And, I think, it was good for them to be reminded of how they are capable of reaching beyond themselves, of the great ministry they took part in by helping in the formation of SEVEN intern pastors (five of whom are now ordained, one who is awaiting a call and the seventh is in his senior year of seminary), and the kind of impact they have had on the wider church because of that.  Plus, I hope it also reminded them of how they are capable of opening their arms and welcoming someone into their midst, of loving that person and helping them grow into the type of pastor/leader/person that they are capable of becomming.  And I think, during this time, that might be a good reminder for them.

ups and downs of the Mothership

These past couple days have been good.  I have enjoyed the theological conversations I have engaged in, the speakers at this conference have given me some meat to chew on, but also have affirmed some of the things I have been feeling concerning relational ministry.  It was worth my time and money, I believe, to come and experience this conference.

But what has really made these past couple of days to be as good as they are has been my chance to "come home."  The Mothership will always hold a special place in my heart because of the role that it, and the people here, played in my ministry formation, in my ability to claim my gifts and my calling as a pastor, and in the impact they had on my life in general.  It has been good for me to come back to this place and to get a refresher on all of that.  But I'd be lying if I said the experience has been completely wonderful.  There have been some things that were unexpected and caught me off-guard in not so positive ways.  I thought that I would share with you some of the high-points as well as some of the low-points of this experience, starting with the low.  I enjoy and appreciate ending on a high note.

One low experience was on the drive here.  I was in the middle of nowhere when I realized that it would probably be in my best interest to get some gas.  So I pulled off the highway at the next exit that advertised that they had a gas station, and had to drive 3 miles north of the highway on this county road.  I reached to gas station to see that it was a grain elevator with 24 hour gas pumps where you use a credit or debit card to get gas.  There was no attendant.  I pulled in, shut off my car and fueled it up.  When I hopped back into my car, I went to start it up and... nothing.  I tried again.  Still nothing.  The radio worked, the power windows still worked, but the car would not even turn over.  Now, I am not an expert on car maintenance by any stretch of the imagination, but I was pretty sure that my starter had just crapped out.  Luckily, I have AAA and I gave them a call.  The woman informed me that I was in the middle of nowhere (which I already knew) and the closest service station was 45 minutes back the exact way I had just come.  Realizing that, at this point, I had lost the ability to be picky I knew that I just had to suck it up and do the backtracking.  When the tow truck driver showed up he explained to me that he had no idea what this AAA woman was talking about, that there was a service station in the town just 10 miles back, and they would probably be able to get me in right away.  So he towed me to the station.  (This story will be continued, but the rest of it doesn't belong in the "low experience" section).

Another low experience was our chapel service on Friday morning with the Mothership community.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed worshipping in that place again, the worship leaders were great (and I'm a bit partial since one of the cantors was part of a group that sang wonderfully at my ordination) and the service was good, but it was difficult for me to look around and not see the familiar faces of my friends and loved ones.  I wanted to be able to look across the chapel and see Future Bishop, or to look to my left and see Nate Dawg standing beside me.  I even missed hearing the voices of a couple of women from my class who sang loud and strong (though not always the best), I would have loved to hear their voices rising above the rest.  These people, who were important parts of my seminary experience, were not there, no matter how much I wanted them to be there.

But, conversely, there were many high experiences.  One was the welcome I received by the people who are still part of this community.  To see the excitement on their faces, the smiles and handshakes and hugs, helped me feel welcome back at this place and reminded me that it is still a home for me.  One instance, in particular, was when I stopped into the office where I worked when I was a student, and as I was leaving to go to the next place, I heard one of the staff members say, "Wow... it's so great to see him again!"

Another high experience was to see so many familiar faces, especially those who had come back for this conference.  I was only expecting one of them, but there were two others from my graduating class and several from the class below me.  It was great to see and reconnect with some of these people, a few of whom read my blog (Hi!!!  It was good to see you!!!  We'll have to do it again!!!)

One of the best, though, was during the second half of our afternoon session on Friday.  The first half, our speaker talked about adapting new postures, or different ways to engage in our congregations.  One, in particular, was moving from a work to play, or adopting a posture of joy.  Now, you don't have to tell me twice to move from work to play, so when he let us out for a bathroom/refreshment break, I decided to skip the second half of the session and I high-tailed it down to the youth room (another place I used to work on campus) to see the kids, as well as the new student who works there.  As soon as I walked into the room, a couple of the kids who knew me shouted my name and came running over for hugs.  There were a large group of kids that were new and who I had not met before playing, and several of them gave me nervous glances as if to say, "Who is this big, strange guy coming into OUR youth room?"  But I started to goof around with one of the girls that I knew, running up and down the hallway, and it didn't take long before a couple of the other kids asked if they could join in, and pretty soon I had most of the kids there running up and down the hallways, screaming and laughing.  A couple people I knew saw me doing this and commented with, "Some things never change..."  It was so great to be back in one of my favorite places on campus and to have it be just as fun and tiring as I remembered it to be.

Overall, despite a few moments, this has been an amazing time away for me.  It has been so good to come back to the Mothership for some time to refuel and relax and recenter.  And, while being here has reminded me in so many ways of how much I loved it here and how much I miss it, there has been a constant feeling, or a voice, telling me that I am happy to be at the place where I have been called to be.  The Mothership was my home for quite some time, and it will continue to be a home and place of welcome for me, but I am called to be elsewhere now, and that is good.

the first return

In a little more than two days I will be headed back to the Mothership...  They are hosting a conference that I am participating in partially because it's in an area of ministry that I enjoy, feel called to, and am in charge of in my current setting.  The biggest reason is because it was a good excuse to go back to the Mothership and not have it count as vacation...  even though I'm taking some extra days of vacation after the conference to spend time with my friends, as well as potentially drive over to the internship congregation for Sunday worship. 

This will be my first time back at the Mothership since I've graduated.  I'm sure it will be the same in many ways:  faculty and staff will be the same, the building and grounds will look pretty much the same, there will even be many familiar faces among the students who are there.  But it will be very different, too.  Because it will be the first time I've been there, since I started seminary in 2001, where it won't be my home.  Even when I was on internship, and living off campus for a year, I still had a feeling that the Mothership was home, and that I was just living away from it for a short time.  But now I've been gone for 15 months.  I've set up a home somewhere else.  The dorm room at the end of the hallway on the first floor of the residence hall is no longer mine.  I'm no longer involved in student government or the youth ministry on campus.  These things have transitioned over to others.  There will be a large group of people who won't know who I am.  Even though I might belong, it won't be home.  And I'm sure that it will be weird.

But I'm still excited and anxious and counting down the days until I get to come back.  I will even get the opportunity to spend time with a friend/classmate/student government colleague while I am there.  Which will be fun.  I might force her to go down to the married student housing and set up shop on one of the yards with me, even though it won't belong to either of us.  But being at the Mothership with her will pretty much necessitate it.  It's a way we spent a large chunk of our time on campus together.

I'm also excited about the opportunity to visit my internship congregation.  It's been three years since I was there as their Pastor Intern.  Many things have changed.  Kids have moved away, they've hired a new youth coordinator, my supervisor retired and moved away and they're currently with an interim.  But it will be great to see familiar faces of people I grew to love during my time there.  It will be good to reconnect, exchange new information, and rekindle these relationships that I let drift apart because of all the boundary issues revolving around internship congregations and relationships with former parishioners, especially while another intern is currently there.  But it's been long enough.  And there's no current intern.  And I miss some of these people.  So it will be good.

But now I have  to run, I've volunteered to be involved in the local community theater production and we have practice tonight.  Gotta run!!

today was intense

That's the only word I can think of to describe it.  It's a busy week, anyway, with a sermon to write, a newsletter article to finish, Confirmation Sunday coming up this weekend, a Halloween party that was pretty much just dropped in my lap, Confirmation class to plan, as well as some things that are still upcoming that need to have the rough edges smoothed out.

These past two weeks have been coasters, I didn't have to preach and I didn't have Confirmation to plan or teach.  And then, this week, it was as if I had two weeks worth of work dumped on me.

Then, tonight, while I was still scrambling to get stuff ready for Confirmation this evening, and not feeling entirely 100%, and trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that several of my small group leaders would be unable to make it, I had a mom show up with her kids and tell me there was a situation involving one of her kids that might involve her needing to remove him from Confirmation class later on this evening.

And I could tell this kid was hurting.  From the minute he was at church he was not his excited, exuberant self.  He sat in a corner and kept to himself.  His mom, knowing the he likes me and that I normally get along with him very well, asked if I would go talk to him and get him to engage. 

So I tried.  But only as much as this evening would allow me to do so.  I mean, I'm in charge of confirmation class.  If I'm not on the ball, making sure things move along, then it's not gonna happen.  So, while I wanted to be sitting there, talking to him, making sure he was ok, I needed to corral the other kids, make sure they stayed where they were supposed to stay, make sure they went to where they were supposed to go, and make sure that the evening moved along like it should. 

And, of course, the other kids noticed something was wrong, too.  Some of them had heard about what had happened, but as the situation unfolded almost right before Confirmation class this evening, a lot didn't know what had happened.  So they kept coming over to see how he was and what was wrong.  This led him to go downstairs to the youth room to be left alone.

I followed him, to make sure he was ok, and it was at that point that he broke into tears.  If I had been able to spend some more time with him, I think I would have been able to talk to him some more... I'm not foolish enough to think that I could have solved the problem in that one evening, but I think I could have let him know that I was available and that I cared for him and wanted to listen to what he was willing to share with me.

But then it got to be time for class to start.  I told him he could stay downstairs, as he was in tears and I'm sure that wasn't the face he wanted to present to his classmates.  I wasn't exactly comfortable leaving him in that state, but I knew that if I didn't get upstairs and get stuff moving then it would just devolve into chaos...  Or at least more chaotic than it already was.

And it would be an understatement to say that there was tension surrounding this situation the entire evening.  Because there was a lot of it.  In fact, at almost 10pm, I JUST got off the phone with a mom of another youth from church who was involved in this situation. 

After confirmation, I just wanted to come home and relax and watch TV, but I had talked to the choir director earlier today and mentioned that I would be able to be at practice tonight.  So a coupel paragraphs into this entry, she sent two choir members over to my house to fetch me.  So I headed back over to church.  And it was probably good that I did.  Choir is something I enjoy and have fun with.

But right now I am wiped out.  And I'm positive that I haven't heard the end of this situation involving the youth from my church.  In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it was just beginning...

a night out with college kids

My friend Weepy works at a Lutheran college, in the "we talk to you about discernment and vocation" department.  As part of her job, she gets to talk to college students who are discerning a call to the ministry, and she gets to take them on trips to visit seminaries.

There are a handful of seminaries in my general vicinity, of various denominations, and so she brought a handful of college students up to visit some of them.  She contacted me to see if I wanted to come and hang out with them this evening.  As I had nothing going on at church, and hanging out with Weepy and some fun college kids sounded like a good idea, I met them up in the city.

We went out for coffee and we went bowling.  They were a lot of fun, and we did a lot of laughing.  There was one moment, in particular, where we did a lot of laughing.  It was my turn to bowl, and I ended up getting a split.  One of the college students told me that I needed to roll it down the lane hard to pick it up.  So, I did.  Except I did it so hard that I ended up falling over.  Everybody laughed, even people who weren't with our group.  One lady from the lane next to us even said something like "That was awesome," or "terrific" or "phenomenal" or something like that.  But we laughed very, very hard.  I was told that they hadn't laughed that hard the entire weekend, so I was glad to help them with that.

It also reinforced something I've been discerning for some time, and that is a call to ministry with college-aged young adults.  Some day, I hope to take a call as a campus pastor at a college or university.  There is just something about the excitement of a college campus, and walking alongside young adults as they journey through that experience, and being able to help them discern the presence of God in that experience.  My campus pastor was a major influence in my college years, and part of the reason why I ended up at seminary.  And being able to hang out with these college students tonight, and to joke around with them and to talk about seminary and the call of God in their lives (if only briefly) really brought all of that home to me tonight.

That being said, I really love where God has called me to be right now, and have no plans of leaving anytime soon.  I still have a lot to learn, and a lot of good to do here.  The past couple of weeks have really reinforced that, as well.  And I'd get into that, and share some of those stories and experiences, but it's late and I was out late last night at a haunted amusement park with a large gropu of youth from church, and it was an early Sunday morning today, and so I'm tired.  And going to bed.

...and what a difference a year makes

I taught my first First Communion class a year ago.  Well, not exactly a year ago, as El Capitan postponed the First Communion class from it's regular early fall spot to later on in the year so that I could teach it.  So it was really in last November, but close enough to a year ago.

I remember nervously getting ready for that class.  I had the list of people that had RSVPed that they were coming.  I got there early and pushed tables together, making enough seats for just about as many people as had RSVPed.  I made sure I had everything ready, I looked over the list of kids that were signed up and recognized one or two of the names.  I was nervous.

Then they showed up, and there were more people there than I expected.  We asked that at least one parent come with each child, and some showed up with both, and then there were kids who weren't on the list of RSVPs.  We kept having to pull tables together to make the extra room.  I looked over the faces, recognizing a few more than I had the names, but still not really knowing any of them.  Some of the parents I recognized from having a kid in confirmation, but I really didn't that many of them. 

This year, I had the list of RSVPed, but when the first couple of people showed up I asked how many kids were in their class, and planned for about that many people to show up.  And it was good that I did.  There were at least three kids and their parents that hadn't RSVPed.  But as I looked at the list of names and as I looked at the faces gathered at that table, I knew all of them.  There were some adults that I had roped in to being small group leaders for confirmation because they had older kids, there were some I had gone to parades and other local festivities with, there were adults who serve on committees that I have worked with, and all of them I had seen in Sunday School and during the church services.  It felt good to be able to say, "Hi Tyler*!" or "How's it going, Diane*?" when they showed up.  It was neat to have history with them, to know who they are and who is part of their family, to have running jokes with some of them, and for the kids to be comfortable with me.  It felt pretty good.

Also, now having taught this class using what El Capitan provided for two years, and having the comfortability of being here a year, I've decided next year I'm totally going to come up with something else.  The notes El Capitan provided are good, they provide a lot of useful information, but it's just not my style.  I might look around and what else is out there, but I think I'll use my brains and skill and come up with something on my own.  Though I do love the book "A Place for You", by one of my personal heroes Dan Erlander, and will continue to use it, I might have to see if I want to continue using it as an additional, supporting piece or perhaps design my class around that book.  We shall see.

But, yeah.  It was nice to notice and recognize the difference a year can, and has, made.  I can't wait to see how things go when I teach this class next year!!!

*names changed to protect the innocent

I'm one!

Today is the one year anniversary of my ordination.  I have officially been Pastor Mark for a whole year!

Here at stumbling toward divinity, we will be celebrating by eating leftover pizza, drinking a beer, and then later on this evening teaching a First Communion course to a bunch of excited 5th graders. 

And I'm totally bringing snacks!

i'm alive!

Well, in case you were worried... I'm still alive. This past week has just been really, really busy.  There was a lot going on.  Sunday school and Confirmation started.  Several planning and committee meetings, to get stuff going as fall starts.  This was my first year being the "top dog" for Confirmation.  I'm in charge of it, and I just wasn't aware how much work that was.  At my local youth ministry meeting, we agreed that regardless of the size of your congregation and how many kids are in your class, that Confirmation is just A Beast. 

And also, I had my first wedding this weekend.  And, if you know anything about me, that means there was a lot of nervousness, and some freaking out.  But it went well, I got some compliments on my sermon, the wedding was relaxed and casual and outdoors... Thank goodness the weather was nice.  So, I have another first in my first call out of the way.  Now, I think I've done just about everything that people expect a pastor to do...   Well, at least what's in a "basic job description" for a pastor...

With that, I'm going to go and maybe take a nap.

allow me to explain

I had a meeting today.  It was the Parent/Student orientation meeting for Confirmation.  Sort of the big kick-off, inundate everyone with information, give them all sorts of forms, have them sign up for things sort of meeting.  Last year when this meeting came up, I had been at my call for less than a week (it sounds weird to say what I was doing at THIS church a year ago...), and so mainly I was there to assist El Capitan with it.  But since I've taken over the reigns for Confirmation, it falls undery my umbrella to take charge of this meeting.  So I made sure that all of my forms and sign up sheets were copied and ready and laid out nicely.  I made an outline of what I wanted to talk about, and the things I thought I needed to cover.  I checked and double-checked to make sure everything was in order.  I wanted everything to go smoothly.  That's what I was nervous about.

But the meeting went well.  It didn't take as long as it did last year, which is sort of a recurring theme when it comes to me taking things over from El Capitan.  But I got through all of the information, everyone was given the requisite sheets, and we had kids sign up for acolyting.  No one had any questions.  I think everything got covered.  I chit chatted and floated around and answered questions.  I made decisions.  There was none of this, "I'll talk to El Capitan and see what he says..."  There was only, "Well that sounds like a good idea to me," or "We'll have to see what we can do about that," or "Yeah, I think we'll go ahead and switch that around and do it that way."  It felt good.

Later on this evening, as I was getting ready to call it a night (I had actually made it INTO bed), I was struck with the thought that I didn't lock the office and I had left a box of books on the secretary's counter that would confuse the heck out of her when she came in tomorrow.  And, since I have a meeting through lunch, I wouldn't be there to explain it to her.  So I decided to go over and move the box to my office and lock the door.  While I was over there, I decided I might as well take all of the checks that were written this evening, stick them in an envelope and put them on the secretary's desk so that they are out of my hands.  So I did that, making sure to mark who had paid, so I could know who to send reminders out to later.  There was one woman who has two kids in the program, and we explicitly state that the fee is a certain amount PER student.  She only paid the amount for one student, which would most likely mean that she should get a reminder.  But I happen to know that they're not in the best situation financially, so I'm making an executive decision to not pursue that further.  Without consulting El Capitan :)

Anyway, as I was walking out of the church to head back home I was struck with a thought.  Well, more like a feeling.  It felt like this is MY place.  This is home.  I am where I am called to be.  And it felt GREAT.

So, of course, I needed to blog about it.  And now I'm going to call it a night for real.