As if this week's weirdness component wasn't already big enough, I decided to "turn it up a notch."
You see, my internship congregation - the place where I spent a year as an intern pastor, learning the ropes, navigating life in fulltime ministry, figuring out what this whole life of a pastor would be like - is just down the road a couple hours. I figured since I was so close, and had nothing else going on today, that I would head down for the two Sunday morning services, to pop my head in and say hi, and just to see what life was like for the people there nowadays.
This would be another first for me. Boundaries are a big issue surrounding internship. It has a definite beginning and a definite end, which is emphasized if you have people follow you to that site. They strongly encourage/recommend that you extremely limit, if not sever, the relationship that you had with this place if another person is coming in as the intern after you. This prevents the members of the congregation from maintaining a pastoral relationship with you and allows and encourages the people of the congregation to form a new relationship with the incoming intern.
It has been a bit over two years since I was on my internship, and there have been two interns who have followed me to that place. So, for their sake, I extremely limited my communication with the people there, and I have not (until today) been back to visit. But, as I mentioned in a previous post, my supervisor retired and moved away and this means that there are no more interns there. So, since I was so close and there were no interns on whose toes I would be stepping, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning to make it to church for the 8am service.
I was a couple minutes late, but I walked in and sat down in the back. The interim pastor was out of town today, so a layperson and a guest speaker were leading the service. The layperson was a surrogate mother during my time there, and as she was up front I noticed that she saw me (plus I had e-mailed her daughter who had been in the youth group when I was there, to let her know I was coming and to see how many of "my kids" would be back from college this weekend). When it came time to pass the peace, my friend said, "And as you pass the peace, be sure to pass it with our very special guest who's sitting in the back there," Everyone's head turned and they saw me and then she said, "Hi Mark!" I said "Hi!" and waved. And then the peace passing began. People from the front of the church came all the way back to shake my hand and hug me. They were excited to see me. One woman was even crying, but I'm not assuming that it was [just] because of my presence. People were glad to see me and several looked down at my feet and said, "Where are your green shoes?" in reference to the collection of liturgically colored shoes I collected and wore during worship there. (I have yet to wear them at my current congregation. I'm not sure why... perhaps the time just hasn't been right...)
After the service, though I was invited to their adult fellowship where the guest speaker would expand on his sermon, I hung around the lobby area and talked to the man who was church council president when I started my internship and his wife, as well as the woman who took the mantle after him. A woman who was very involved in the youth program came in while I was standing there and I surprised her, which was fun. Then the man who was the Internship Committee Chairperson for the intern before me and the two afterwards (he was deployed in Iraq during my time, left about a month before I got there and returned in time to attend my final service) came up and talked to me. He said he was teaching the 7th and 8th grade Sunday School class that day and that they were talking about me and wanted to see me. So I followed him up to my old Sunday School room, where I taught "Cheeseball Girl" and her minions (I really wish all of you had the privilege of reading my old blog where I chronicled my year on internship, but I think I copied the Cheeseball Girl story here... Check back in the archives around last February... I think that's when it was...). I walked in the room and a couple of the kids said, "I remember you!" and then one looked at me quizzically and said, "Did you dress up as a clown one time?" I had to say yes, that I had, for Vacation Bible School.
After the Sunday School hour ended, I walked back to the sanctuary where I saw several more of my friends, and another one of my surrogate moms. Hugs and greetings abounded. Then, a couple of them said that I needed to stand up front and sing with them, just like the "good old days." All of the songs were songs that I had sung with them before, so I got up there and sang with them again. It was a lot of fun to be with that great group of people again.
Then, after that, my two surrogate moms and their husbands, and their kids and a couple extra kids, and I all went out to brunch. We sat and talked and had a great time. We reminisced and shared memories about my year there, as well as things that have happened since then. I recalled the time I was watching a movie in the youth room with several of the young people there when a bat started flying back and forth through the room. As you probably well know, that went over well. We crouched on the floor and screamed until the bat disappeared and then decided we were done with the movie anyway, and so we all went home. Then we drove to one of my surrogate moms' houses for some fun and games for a couple of hours.
It was then that I decided I should probably head back to the Mothership, so we exchanged hugs and said our good byes again. But not after several of them said that they would come and visit me, especially since the extremely large shopping center is close by.
I almost didn't go on this trip. I woke up late, as my alarm didn't go off (I set it, but forgot to turn it on), and I laid in bed thinking maybe that was a sign. Maybe that meant I should just sleep in. But then I wondered what else I had planned to do with my day, and I reminded myself that I had told someone I was coming and she had told a couple other people, so they were expecting me and if I didn't show up then they would be disappointed. So I forced myself out of bed and got ready quickly and left.
And boy, am I so glad that I did.
My internship had such a profound impact on my formation as a pastor. It was there, in that place, where I was embraced and loved into the role of pastor, where I was shown that I might be goofy and awkward but I have definite gifts for ministry. I entered my internship excited, but scared to death of what was to come. I was unsure whether the congregation would like me, and I thought maybe it would prove to me what I had been afraid of all along - that I was faking it, I really didn't have a call to ministry, and that I was better off doing something else. But just the opposite happened - I'm sure some of the people there weren't fond of me, but the majority wholeheartedly embraced me, they helped me see that I was on the right track that God has, indeed, placed this call in my life. In fact, several of them asked if I was coming to be their pastor to replace Supervisor.
It brought up some sadness, too, though. Because the congregation has dwindled a bit since I was there. I'm not sure if there were issues surrounding my supervisor's departure, but it seems that this great and wonderful place has hit a rough patch. The interim pastor is working hard to prepare them to love a new pastor, and I know that they have it in them to do it because they did it so amazingly for me, I just hope that they know that they have it in them to do so.
It was also a bit weird to be back in that place in a new role. I'm no longer their intern pastor, but now I am a "real" pastor in a different setting. My relationship to the people is not the same as it was when I was there last. Also, two years changes people (of course). Babies I baptized (with special permission from the Bishop because supervisor was out of town for his father-in-law's funeral) are now able to walk into church, take off their coats and walk down to Sunday School by themselves; some people are a bit feebler than when I saw them last, and not as able to get around as well... It was also a bit weird to be back in that place without Supervisor. He was a great man whose easy going attitude and laidback approach was often the much needed response to my sometimes over-excitedness. We also got along marvelously, could sit and chat about almost nothing for a long time, and enjoyed being in one another's presence. It was pretty cool because, when I was there, he was just beginning to talk about and imagine his retirement and I was just beginning to talk about and imagine beginning a lifelong career in ministry - two opposite ends of the spectrum given the opportunity to work and grow together. It was an experience that I would not trade for the world. And so, to be in that place, without him there was a bit weird.
But I'm glad I went. It was good for me, to be reminded of that place and those people, to remember the amazing growth that I experienced there and how it played a large role in shaping the pastor that I am today. And, I think, it was good for them to be reminded of how they are capable of reaching beyond themselves, of the great ministry they took part in by helping in the formation of SEVEN intern pastors (five of whom are now ordained, one who is awaiting a call and the seventh is in his senior year of seminary), and the kind of impact they have had on the wider church because of that. Plus, I hope it also reminded them of how they are capable of opening their arms and welcoming someone into their midst, of loving that person and helping them grow into the type of pastor/leader/person that they are capable of becomming. And I think, during this time, that might be a good reminder for them.
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