stumbling toward divinity

a few things

I just got back from almost a week with some of my family.  My parents and I met at my brother and sister-in-law's house, after spending a couple days at an indoor waterpark resort.  It was fun to spend time with family, and it was GREAT to get to hang out with my nieces who are almost 5 and 3 years old.  They are both amazingly cute and smart.  Of course, I might be a bit biased.

But now I'm home, getting ready to go back to work tomorrow and put my nose to the grindstone.  For who knows how long before I get another chance for a break.  But, thankfully, this time with my family has given me a chance to decompress a bit, relax, play with play-doh and read a lot of stories.

So, now, as to that previous post... Yeah.  There is something going on where a certain person who, when I first started the call, made a great effort to make me feel welcome and is now unhappy about some things.  And letting people know.  But I realize I cannot make everyone happy all of the time, and in a church there will always be someone who isn't pleased about something.  While it's unfortunate, it's just the way things go.  I just need to do what I can to deal with the situation.

Also, my house is cold.  When I left the homestead to drive to neighborhing state to play at aforementioned waterpark resort, it was cold outside.  So I packed only long pants, some t-shirts and a couple sweatshirts/sweaters.  When I was at my brother's house, I ended up having to borrow a pair of shorts so that I didn't roast when we went to the park to play.  The weather there was sunny and warm.  Now I'm back home and it's cold.  I should really move somewhere warmer...

adventures with the wild

I was sitting in my house, with the windows open, enjoying the nice weather and a good book when I heard a squawk.  Well, it wasn't really a squawk.  But it was something.  And I thought, "That is a funny sounding bird."

Then, I heard it again. And again.  And again and again and again.  With only a couple seconds in between each squawk.

At this point, I was pretty sure it wasn't a bird. In fact, I thought it might be a cat.  I have seen a couple cats hanging around my house, or bolting from under my front steps when I'm walking up them and successfully scaring the pee out of me.  So I thought maybe the squawking was actually meowing.  As I stood up to go investigate, the thought of a sad and forlorn cat standing outside my house mewling made me think that I would soon have a new family member.

But as I stepped outside, I saw what the cause of the noise was.  A squirrel, in a branch about 25 feet up, sprawled out on its stomach.  And squawking.  I squinted up, trying to see what was going on, wondering if I'd have a dead squirrel in my lawn in a while.  But it was hard to see what was going on.  And since I don't have binoculars, I went in and grabbed my camera and used the zoom to try and see what was going on.  But that didn't reveal much either.

During this whole process, the squirrel stayed in the same spot, and kept squawking.  I thought maybe if I got closer, I could get a better look.  So I moved a few steps closer and the squirrel stopped squawking.  I moved a few steps closer and suddenly, the squirrel jumped to its feet and turned to face me.  I took a few steps back, and the squirrel scurried a foot or so down the branch, but then turned and looked at me again.

Now, at this point, I was having visions of the squirrel launching itself from the branch and attaching itself to my face, at which point I'd start screaming and writhing in pain something along these lines.

So I backed up a couple feet closer to the house as the squirrel scurried across the branch, over to another tree, down the trunk and across the yard.

I'm not really sure what was going on.  But the more I think about it, I'm wondering if it's a plot.  Maybe the squirrels have teamed up with raccoons and/or bats and they are out to get me.  I mean, the bats HAVE taken residence in the bell tower of church right across the street.

And here I always thought squirrels were my friends.

i'm contemplating

Should I, or shouldn't I?

Apparently that is the question of the evening.

There is a high school football game this evening.  It's not a varsity game, it's the B Squad... so it lacks that excitement of a varsity game - with all of the fans, the pep band and concession stand.  I would say cheerleaders, but the local high school doesn't have them. 

But, it does have some youth from church playing in it.  In fact, Too Cool is playing.  I called Mrs. Too Cool, to see what time it was at and where, and I even told the secretary at church that I was leaving a bit early from work to go to the game.

However, then I got home, sat on my chair, cracked open my lap top, turned on some Pandora radio, and started checking my e-mail.

And now the game starts in 20 minutes (I could get there in 5), but I'm not sure if I want to get up from my chair to go.  I'm feeling very comfy and complacent.  And sedentary.  I kind of just want to make a cup of tea and hang out at home.

But I feel guilty, having told Mrs Too Cool and the secretary that I was planning on it.  So, I guess, within the next 15 minutes I have some deciding to do, eh?

i still blog here... sort of

Well, I think it's safe to say tha I haven't been getting much use out of my blog lately.  I think the thing is that I'm not quite sure what to use it for.  Being in the position that I am, as a pastor in a smaller town, I have to be very careful about what I share and what I don't.  Things I think are harmless could be perceived differently by someone from my congregation or town who happens to read them.  Now, I'm not sure if anybody from my congregation or town reads my blog, but then again, I can't say for certain that none of them do.  So I have to pretend like they do. 

And I don't really want it to be a diary of my day to day activities. I mean, I find that most of my days are boring enough for me - and I'm the one who experienced them. I can only imagine how a blog post detailing my day would rate on the excitement scale for those merely reading it.

But this blog has been important for me for quite some time now.  Around five years now, if you can imagine it.  Though not always in this form and not always at this particular site.  But, for five years, I have been blogging my life in some way, shape or form and in varying degrees of regularity.  So it's not something that I just want to toss aside, either.

And then, I was reading this book about Henri Nouwen and I came across this quote of his:

As we simply sit down in front of a sheet of paper and start to express in words what is in our minds or in our hearts, new ideas emerge, ideas that can surprise us and lead us to inner places we hardly knew were there.  One of the most satisfying aspects of writing is that it can open in us deep wells of hidden treasures that are beautiful for us as well as for others to see.
"Wounded Prophet: A Portrait of Henri J.M. Nouwen" by Michael Ford pg 13

So, when you put it that way, how can I NOT write?  What I am trying to say, I guess, is that I'm going to attempt to be more regular with this here blog.  I'm not quite sure how that will look, but I think that writing is something that is important for me to continue.  It might not be the most eloquent, or the most exciting or intriguing, or the most humorous... but it's important for me. 

So, I'll see you soon.

my resolve is weakening...

When something is just potential, when all you have is the idea of it, it's pretty easy to take a stand.  It's no problem to say how you would react in a certain situation when you have never actually been faced with it.

But, when it has arrived in the mail and is sitting on your chair in a box, it gets a bit harder to say that you won't use the product that is supposed to help you regrow your hair.

I wrote about this not too long ago, how I was watching an infomercial and caved in and ordered this stuff.  I have always said I would go bald gracefully, though that was before I started to actually get thin up on top.  But then I saw the infomercial.

So, I ordered the stuff but then my resolve firmed, again, and I decided I would just say no and not use the stuff.  It seemed kind of vain and I'm not really a vain person.  I decided that when the shipment of stuff arrived, I would send it back and only be out the $15 for the trial period.

But it arrived in the mail yesterday.  It's sitting at my house right now, not ten feet from me.  It's still in the box, unopened.  I still think that I'm going to send it back...  But it's tougher to make the decision when you're actually faced with it.

i heard them. they were taunting me.

So today is my day off.  Which is good, because I haven't been feeling the best.  But I'm actually feeling better now... I think.

But, as it is my day off, I actually did a good job of not going to work.  I only went in to the office TWO times today!!!  The first time was at the request of our secretary.  She is trying to do a mass mailing and wasn't sure how to do a mail merge on the computer.  And El Capitan is about one step above helpless when it comes to all things technological.  So she called over to the house to see if I'd be able to come in and help her with it, as I helped her do it the last time and she couldn't remember how we did it.  So I did that.

The second time I went into the office was just this evening, to grab something that I needed from the church.  It was on my walk back home that I heard them.  They were in one of the steeples of the church and I could hear their high-pitched chirping/squeaking noise.  They were bats.  That's right, my friends.  Bats. If ever I had an archnemesis, it would be bats.  Furry, fanged, flying balls of screaming, rabid death.  And they were chirping/squeaking from the steeple.  Taunting me.  I know it.

one cold prickly, two warm fuzzies

There was one day at the Mothership when some friends and I were saying some less than positive things about one of our fellow shipmates.  I don't remember what brought it on, or what caused us to be particulary frustrated with this person, but for whatever the reason, we were sitting in this dorm room and griping.

And there was something about that situation that I didn't like.  This person was, generally, a good person.  So I decided, then, that whenever I was upset with someone, I would remind myself of two of their positive qualities.  Instead of saying the negative things that were on my mind and that I wanted to say, I would lift up two things about them that were good and redeeming.

Now, I'm not even going to lie and say that I've been very good at this.  But it has been helpful in many cases, especially when dealing with church members.  When someone does something that I consider less than nice or helpful or positive, I find that reminding myself of things they have done to be helpful, or friendly ways I've seen them interact with other congregation members makes it a little easier to take the not so nice things that people are capable of doing.  Yes, you may be causing a stink about the decision the church council made about the purpose of certain unallocated funds... but you have donated your time and money to help with a large, intergenerational event at church, and you're also usually very friendly and inviting to visitors.  See?  While I might be upset at this certain [and also very fictional] church member because of their response to a church council decision.  But, when I weight it against two other things that they have done, or continually do, it makes this negative development a little easier to deal with.

But, here's the rub:  What if, despite my best efforts, the only things I can bring to mind about a particular person are the ways they have been rude, the things they've said in anger, how they are consistenlty negative, or the ways that they have "taken their ball and gone home"?  What's a person to do in THAT situation??? 

it's all good

I wrote about some of my favorite friends from seminary here.  We got the opportunity to hang out last summer, when they were in the area, and we talked about being better at getting together.  Of course, life intervenes.  And we haven't actually gotten together.  But, my friends, plans are in the works to do just that.

However, the circumstances behind our getting together could have been better.  They were pregnant with their second child, and there was much excitement surrounding this upcoming new arrival.  However, there were some complications, which required an amniocentesis to check the baby's lungs and afterwards, the baby's heart rate dropped and so they had to do an emergency c-section.

Apparently, when the baby was born she wasn't breathing and so the anesthesiologist had to do CPR.  She was revived, but they were worried about the lack of oxygen to her brain.  So she stayed in the hospital for a while, but now she's home and she seems to be doing fine, although it'll have to wait for developmental milestones to see if the trauma surrounding her birth has any lasting effects.

So, my friend Nate-Dawg (who is the father and classmate from seminary) called me to give me an update on their new baby, and in the course of the conversation asked me to be the Godfather.  I, of course, jumped at the chance.  So I met with El Capitan and told him the whole story surrounding this lovely little baby's arrival, and how I had been asked to be her Godfather, and so I said that chances were good I'd be needing to miss an upcoming Sunday.  After much conversation, it was decided that the last weekend of this month would be the best weekend for me to miss, so I was encouraged to encourage my friends to choose this date for the baptism...

But, it will work.  That's the date they chose.  I've already secured the time off.  I'm going to go and see my friends and I'll get to see their cute as a button son and their amazing new daughter.  It will be a lot of fun, and I'll get to stay an extra day because it also happens to be a holiday weekend.

BUT, that is not ALL!  This amazing baptism celebration will be the weekend after the Festival of Homiletics, which I will also be attending.  AND there are quite a few of my friends and classmates from the Mothership who will be attending, three of whom I will be rooming with during the week o' fun and learning.  I am super-duper excited to see these great people.  Oh, and to learn about Homiletics, too.

And now, I have a couple feel good moments of the day to share with you:

In a conversation with a grandmotherly member of the congregation, she said to me, "I like El Capitan.  I know him and respect him.  But I feel like I've gotten to know you more.  We have a relationship and I love you." 

Then, sitting on a couch, next to a member of the congregation, he suddenly turned to me and said, "So how long are we going to get to have you?"  I looked and him and said, "Well, I guess I haven't really thought about it."  And he said, "Who decides that?  Do you decide that or does the church decide it or what?"  And I said, "It's my decision." To which he replied, "Oh.  That's good.  I hope we get to have you for a really long time."

And, also, my 7 year old best friend and his little sister who are ALWAYS excited to see me.  Little Sis gets so excited to see me that I feel as if I'm some sort of celebrity the ways she gets so excited and then latches on to my leg whenever we're in the same room.

the twilight zone?

So yesterday I got to my office and sat down at my desk.  I decided to check my e-mail, so I wiggled the mouse to wake it up, and as the monitor came to life a little bubble popped up alerting me that the computer had updated for Daylight Savings Time.  I thought that was funny, since I had to do it manually on the actual day of DST, but I wasn't too concerned.  So I checked my e-mail, did a couple of other things, and then got busy doing the work of the day.

A little while later our secretary said she needed to run to the post office or the bank, I'm not sure which, and she left.  I was doing something else and just glanced at the time and saw that it was 12:05.  "Oh good," I thought.  "Lunchtime!"  It seemed to come at a good time because I was pretty hungry.  So I got up and turned off the lights, locked the door and went home.

I walked into my house, turned on the TV, and went into the kitchen to figure out what to eat for lunch.  I opted on some pasta, so I started a pot of water on the stove and went to see what was on TV.  I pushed the little button marked "guide" on the remote and noticed that it was still listing the television shows for 11:00.  "That's weird," I thought.  "I wonder why the dish network is messed up like that?"  I grabbed my laptop and opened it up and, wouldn't you know it, it said that it was 11:00, too.  So I stood up and walked over to the stove and saw that it said 11:00, too.  Then it dawned on me what happened.  My computer had adjusted for Daylight Savings Time and moved forward an hour.  I forgot to do anything about resetting it when I saw what happened, and promptly forgot.  Then, when I saw it was 12, according to my computer, I didn't realize what had happened and went home.

So I walked back to the office, after turning off the stove.  Luckily, no one had returned to the office so I didn't need to explain what had happened.  It'll be my little secret, I thought.  So I sat at my computer, saw that it said 12:something and so I changed it back to 11:something.  And then I went back to work. 

Later that day, after I had lunch for real, I came back to the office.  I got back on the computer to do something else, and went into my internet history to get back to a website I had been at previously.  I looked under the files in the folder named "Today" but couldn't find what I was looking for, even though I KNEW I had been at that website TODAY.  So, it should be in that folder.  But then I looked at the folder above it, which should have been the one for the day before (Sunday), but it said "Monday."

I was really, really confused for a few seconds.  "Isn't today Monday?"  I thought.  "What is going on???"  Then it occured to me.  I looked down to the little clock in the corner and it read something like this:  1:51 AM.

Apparently, when I had set the clock back from 12:something to 11:something earlier that day, I had forgotten that when the clock hits noon it shifts to PM and is no longer AM.  So when I was setting the clock back from 12 to 11 I should have set it back to AM.  Instead, it was PM and so the clock was thinking it was 11 at night, so then when it turned to 12 it, naturally, thought it was midnight.

So, yesterday was an interesting day, as far as figuring out what day and what time it was.

dream church

So, I wrote this post and then I went to assign it to a category, and wanted to assign it to multiple categories, but to do so it needed a pop up window.  But pop up windows were blocked, so this little thing said to temporarily allow pop up windows I needed to "click here." So I did.  Which refreshed the page.  And completely erased my post.  So I'm going to write it again.  Bleh.

I had a dream last night that I took a new call at a different church.  It was a smaller church in a smaller town, but for some reason I was still the associate pastor.  I don't remember many details about the church building itself, but I do remember that it was similar to the first church I remember attending as a child which was a smaller church in a town of 300 people where my dad was the pastor.

I remember there being a big celebration surrounding my installation, people seemed really, really excited to have me there.  After the service, I was taking some friends and family to see my office.  It was in the basement of the church, in a small room with exposed pipes and old, fake wood panelling on the sides.  I remember explaining that it was much smaller than the office I had at my last church, and it wasn't as nice as that office had been, but the thing I really liked about this office was the bookshelves!  There were TWO WHOLE WALLS of bookshelves!  I remember pointing this out several different times.

At some point the senior pastor came in to the office to say hello.  He was a distinguished looking older man, with glasses and salt-and-pepper hair.  He was friendly and outgoing, with a loud and gregarious laugh.  He shared with my friends and family that the church was extremely glad to have me and he was excited at the opportunity to be my colleague.  I remember liking him.  A lot.

Throughout the whole dream, I remember having this warm, happy feeling.  I remember being excited to be at this church, excited to work with that senior pastor, and really excited about having bookshelves in my office.  When I woke up, and realized that I wasn't at that church, I remember feeling disappointed.  Not because I don't want to be where I am now, but just because that had been such a good dream and left me feeling so good, that I wished I could have stayed there.

So that was my dream that I had last night.  I'm not entirely sure what it means.  If anything.